his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
