Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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