You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
