I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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