shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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