Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
