We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
