I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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