i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
