FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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