okay pat passed out under dana's car
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
