Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize