You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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