these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
