who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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