i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
