sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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