my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
