THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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