so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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