btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
