All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
