Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
