I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
