you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
