Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
