i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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