So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
