We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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