I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
