just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
