guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We are two peas in an std pod
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
