Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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