I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
