Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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