i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
