his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is Oprah even human
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
