Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
