Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
