Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
