maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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