Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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