Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
