he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
