Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
