Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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