its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
