i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
