So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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