The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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