I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
