there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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