i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
