so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
