I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
