never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
