Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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