I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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