i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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