You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
