Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
