everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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