I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
