My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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