My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
