My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We don't watch enough power rangers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
