angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
