My sheets look like a crime scene.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ttyl tear gas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
