I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
