So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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