I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
