I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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